The awareness, skills, & structure to do non-monogamy better

You’ve stopped asking “should we do this.” You’re doing it.

Maybe you’ve been open for a while now, dating other people, figuring out what works and what doesn’t. Maybe non-monogamy is just… how you live now. Either way, you’re past the early wobbles of “is this even for us.” You’re in it.

And you’re also hitting things. Real things. The kind that don’t resolve just because you love each other and you’re both trying hard.

A few ways this might be showing up for you:

• There’s a rupture between you that keeps resurfacing. You’ve talked about it. You thought you resolved it. You maybe even think it is resolved. But in moments of trigger or tension, it immediately pops to mind.
• You keep rewriting your rules and agreements every time one of you gets triggered or hurt, and you’re starting to wonder if “safety” is even something rules can give you.
• One of you is dating more, connecting more easily, getting more of what you both said you wanted, and it’s created a weird tilt in the relationship that neither of you knows how to talk about.
• You each thought you were on the same page about what you’re doing out there, and then it turned out you weren’t. One of you is casually dating. The other’s forming something that looks a lot like a relationship. Neither of you noticed the disconnect until it caused a problem.
• There’s an undercurrent of anxiety, resentment, or avoidance that shows up even when nothing is technically “wrong.”

None of this means you picked the wrong structure for your relationship. It means you’re in the part of non-monogamy that rules and good intentions alone can’t get you through.

This is exactly the terrain I work in

I’m a deep lover of all things kink and non-monogamy, and I love helping couples navigate what happens once you’ve opened up – the real, lived-in, sometimes messiness of it, not the version that shows up in theory or on paper.

The couples I work best with are already in it. They’ve been living it for a while and they’ve hit the point where the questions are starting to pile up: How do we stop chasing safety through rules we keep having to rewrite? How do we deal with it when one of us is more “successful” out there than the other? How do we tell the difference between a feeling and a need, so we’re not making relationship-altering decisions off of a Tuesday-night spike of jealousy?

That’s what the Resetting Safety intensive is built for.

What we’re actually doing together

Over the course of a month, we’re going to look at everything – what’s working, what’s sticky, what’s causing the miscommunications, the misunderstandings, the instability. You’ll walk away with an actual roadmap for resetting safety between you, and the skills to use it.

We work across four consistent themes:

1. Communication. Not “communicate more.” Communicate about the right things, in a way that actually lands for both of you.
2. The role of agreements. Why rules alone can’t create safety, what agreements are actually for, and how to build ones that flex instead of shatter.
3. Nervous system capacity. Learning to recognize when you or your partner are activated versus grounded – and why so many non-monogamy conflicts that look like disagreements about logistics or rules are actually dysregulation run amok.
4. Feelings vs. intentions, needs, and wants. Learning to separate what you’re feeling from what you actually need – so a wave of jealousy doesn’t get treated like a five-alarm relationship emergency, and a real need doesn’t get dismissed as “just a feeling.”

What’s on the other side of this work

• You get clearer. Individually, not just as a couple – about what you actually need, what you’re genuinely comfortable with, and what pace works for you. That kind of clarity changes how you move through the whole dynamic, not just how you argue about it
• Intimacy deepens. You’ll notice more softness with each other and more awareness of each other’s wounds and triggers. Repair starts happening from openness instead of self-protection – the vulnerable kind, not the defensive kind.
• Keeping score and jealousy get less intense, less frequent, and easier to move through – though they don’t have to disappear for that to be true. What changes most is what you understand them to be: not proof your partner did something wrong, not a verdict on the relationship or whoever they’re seeing, but a signal – a wound looking for reassurance, a feeling or need that hasn’t been said out loud yet.
• Ruptures get shorter, less intense, and further apart, and you’ll find more actual capacity to hear your partner’s side instead of just waiting for your turn to defend your own.

Put together, that’s a lot less churn in your relationship. And when the churn drops, stability and safety finally has room to take hold – the kind that stands up under pressure. That’s where the ease comes from. The freedom. The room to finally breathe inside the dynamic, instead of constantly managing it.

Here’s What’s Included — The Cost Is $2222

• Session 1: Locating Your Starting Point (2 hours – day 1 of the intensive) We map exactly where you both are right now: what’s solid, what’s sticky, what’s actually going on underneath the surface conflicts.
• Session 2: Creating Your Bespoke Safety Map (2 hours – roughly one week later) Using what we uncovered in session one, we build the two of you a road map that’s actually yours – not a generic set of non-monogamy “best practices,” but something built around how you two actually work.
• Session 3: Map Refinement and Wrap-Up (1 hour – marks the end of the intensive) We refine the map based on what you’ve already tried, tighten what needs tightening, and make sure you’re both walking away clear.
• 30 days of daily* coaching support via text or voice memo, so you’re not left to implement any of this alone. When something comes up between sessions – and something will – you’ve got me in your corner, close to real time.
• A written summary of your Resetting Safety road map, so the work doesn’t live only in your memory of the sessions. You’ll have something concrete to come back to.

* What does “daily coaching support” mean? It means either of you can reach out with what’s coming up, and I’ll respond at least once (often more) that same day, or the next if it lands after 7pm PT or over the weekend. This piece of the intensive is where a lot of the real integration happens – you’re not just hearing the skills in a session, you’re using them in real time with support close at hand.

Who You’ll Be Doing This Work With

I’m a non-monogamous, kinky, Somatica®-certified sex and intimacy coach based in Seattle – and I’ve spent years both living a non-monogamy lifestyle and working with couples navigating where you’re at.

Whatever you bring me – including the parts you’re worried a more traditional couples’ therapist or relationship coach would flinch at – I can hold. If sex is at the center of what’s hard right now. If kink is part of how you’re both sourcing what you want. If desire is tangled up in the rupture you’re trying to work through. None of that is secondary to this work. It’s often the heart of it, and exactly what I’m equipped to work with.

Here’s something I want you to know before you ever book a call with me: you cannot shock me. I mean that literally. I keep waiting for someone to respond, ‘hold my beer’ and then tell me something about their sexuality that makes my jaw drop, but it just hasn’t happened yet. And that’s because I bring both a wide body of personal kink and sexual exploration and a deep professional training on this topic into sessions.

And central to that is my belief that there are no wrong desires. There are desires you understand and ones you don’t yet. Desires you’re aligned on and ones you’re not. There are desires you’re uncertain if you can experience them in real life, or if you even want to. But nothing you want makes you broken, or bad, or too much. That belief is what helps my clients feel seen and fully accepted and that felt sense of safety is what makes this work possible.

When couples do this work with me, they don’t just walk away with a plan. They walk away lighter – clearer with each other, more able to actually hear one another, and finally out from under the churn that’s been eating at their sense of safety as they navigate non-monogamy. That’s what I want for you too.

This Intensive Is For You If:

• You’ve moved past “should we do this” and into “we’re doing this, and it’s harder than we expected.”
• You keep hitting the same rift or conflict, even after you thought you’d resolved it.
• You’re tired of rewriting your rules every time someone gets hurt, and you want something more durable than the next new protocol.
• You’re both genuinely committed to making this work – you just need the skills and the structure to do it well.

This Isn’t the Right Fit If:

• You’re still deciding whether to open your relationship at all. (That’s a real and important conversation – it’s just not this one.)
• One of you is only here because the other is making you come. Both of you need to actually want this.
• You’re looking for someone to tell you whose “side” is right. I’m not here to referee – I’m here to help you both build something that works.

FAQs

Why a month? Can’t we just book a single session? You could, and sometimes a single session is the right call for a narrow, specific question. But the rifts and patterns that show up in late-stage experimentation and execution are usually the result of dynamics that built up over months. Untangling them, building something new, and actually road-testing it with support takes a little more runway than a single two-hour conversation – hence the structure of two deep-dive sessions a week apart, thirty days of support to actually live the changes, and a closing session to lock in what worked.

Is this couples therapy? No. This is coaching, and it’s specific to non-monogamy. I’m not here to process your entire relationship history – I’m here to help the two of you build a working, felt sense of safety around the non-monogamy piece of your life together, using structure, skills, and real support while you practice them.

We’re not in crisis, we just want to get better at this. Is that still a fit? Yes, that’s actually a great time to do this! You don’t need to be in a crisis to want a stronger road map. A lot of the couples I love working with in this intensive aren’t falling apart. They’re doing well and want to be doing this better, with more ease and less of the guesswork.

What if we’re not sure this is the right offer for us? Reach out and let’s talk it through. If something else I offer is a better fit, I’ll tell you.

P.S.

Non-monogamy doesn’t come with a rulebook, and the ones people try to write for themselves – no catching feelings, strict parity, endless protocol updates — rarely hold up under real pressure. Not because you’re doing it wrong, but because safety was never actually going to come from a rulebook in the first place.

It comes from the two of you actually knowing how to navigate each other – your nervous systems, your agreements, your communication, your feelings versus your needs – when things get real.

That’s what a month together can build.

Know the Resetting Safety Intensive is just what you and your partner need?

Schedule your first call in the series now!

If you’re considering it but are uncertain or have questions, click the button below to see if an intensive is a good fit for you.