FAQ

Due to the public health risks of SARS-CoV-2, I’m currently only seeing clients online via Zoom. I anticipate that once we have deployed a credible set of resources to minimize risks to in-person gatherings, I will once again start seeing clients at my office in Seattle. I will update clients and those that follow my work (via social media and my email listserv) once I have made this change to my practice.

I once heard the Somatica methodology described as, “clothes on, hands on”, meaning that two-way touch is a possibility in session, but both the coach and the client remain fully clothed at all times.

Obviously during the time of the pandemic and video-only sessions, touch isn’t possible. When I see clients in person, two-way touch between myself and my client is a possibility, depending on what the client hopes to learn or get better at through coaching. Touch only happens when the client is ready for it and goes at the pace that best serves them.

Outside of the ‘clothes stay on’ policy referenced above, I prefer not to share my more detailed boundaries. And that’s because, in intimate relationships we don’t generally sit down in advance and talk through what all of our boundaries are ahead of time. Instead, we give voice to them (or not), when someone is approaching one or after they’ve crossed it. There’s a whole useful set of skills to be learned, and emotions to experience and process, when we’re in the position of hearing someone else’s boundaries during an erotic or sexy exchange. So I’ll leave it there for now!

I have over 550 hours of training/mentoring and a certification in the Somatica Method of sex and relationship coaching as well as over 40 hours of training and a certification in the Nervous System RESET approach to developing greater stress resilience and nervous system regulation.

From the Somatica website: The Somatica® Method is a holistic, loving and systematic approach to sex and relationship coaching that invites people to move beyond shame, clarify their needs and boundaries, live emotionally connected and erotically embodied lives, and experience the joy and satisfaction of great sex and authentic relationships. The skills required for success in sex and relationships are learnable and the Somatica training offers a comprehensive and systematic approach to learning these skills. The Somatica Method is pleasure-based, interactive and experiential and based on up-to-date neuroscience research about how people learn, connect and experience personal growth.  

The Somatica Institute is accredited by the American College of Sexologists.

From the Nervous System RESET website: Nervous System RESET teaches people how to recognize their stress responses by attuning to the physical signs, indicators and sensations that signal rising activation levels and/or settling in the nervous system.  With this body (somatic) awareness, individuals can begin to track their internal sense of safety and to apply evidence-informed tools and practices which support the nervous system down-regulating its baseline over time.

A full list of relevant trainings and my degrees:

• The Somatica Method for Sex and Relationship Coaching, core and advanced training provided by the Somatica Institute
• The Nervous System RESET Approach, training provided by Jessica Schaffer
  • Nervous System Know-How for Practitioners and Clinicians: Introduction to Nervous System RESET
  • Nervous System RESET Professional Training Program
• What Informs Trauma-Informed Care, workshop with Jessica Schaffer
• The Science of Fantasy, workshop with Dr. Justin Lehmiller
• Master of Public Health – Tulane University, The School of Public Health and Tropical Medicine
• Bachelor of Science in Foreign Service – Georgetown University, The Edmund A Walsh School of Foreign Service

Definitely! Getting more comfortable with and proficient at dating takes more than unpacking and re-writing those stories and patterns that are getting in our way. Here are a few of the more tactical ways I can support you as you navigate dating:

• Educate around dating technologies and options
• Review/edit online dating profiles (text and photos)
• Consult on online dating activities (review prospective date profiles and draft correspondence)
• Join you as your wing-woman for events
• Consult on image makeovers and dressing to show your best self
• Consult on photo shoots
• Provide referrals to other related services, as needed

This is such an interesting, nuanced question. Personally, I understand cheating to be breaking the boundaries and relationship agreements you’ve established with your partner(s), whatever those are. 
The challenge for many monogamous heterosexual relationships is that these relationship boundaries and agreements remain largely unspoken, and therefore assumed. So, no one is sure what the agreement is or whether it exists – until it has been broken.



For example – Jane could come to me to learn to stay more present and connected during erotic engagement. She doesn’t see our coaching relationship as cheating because it happens within the coaching container and clothes stay on. But her husband John might think that if I’m touching her and she’s touching me, and she’s getting turned on, then it’s cheating.

So I’ll put this question back on you. What does the word “cheating” mean to you? What are the current boundaries and relationship agreements that you hold with your partner(s)?

If you have a hard time answering these questions, we can explore them together, and I can help you develop language to have a productive, connected conversation with your partner about your needs and desires for the relationship.

An important part of my work is to find hidden shame and shine a light on it. All of these concerns about “too much,” “not enough,” “too gross,” “too kinky,” etc., are rooted in shame and fears of not being ‘normal’. Your desires aren’t unusual or unnatural, and your libido is only a problem if it causes you distress and you desire to change it. So yes, I will work with you.

Such a great question, and one that’s hard to answer! I don’t have a cookie-cutter approach to the work. Each session is tailored to the specific needs of the client. The best way to figure out what your sessions might look like is to schedule a free consult call. These generally take about 30 to 45 minutes, and will give you a better sense of me and how I work.